Rebecca Smith
What To Say When Someone Has Lost A Loved One – We all know that feeling. When someone cries, we all have a sense of comfort and sympathy. To help them not feel lonely.
However, our best intentions and efforts to empathize (or as my friend calls it – “listen”) are often ineffective. Unfortunately, this can leave both parties feeling desperate and scared… when the intention was to support and promote. Ugghhh.
What To Say When Someone Has Lost A Loved One
Think back to the loss of a loved one, a pet, the time you lost your job or ended a relationship. How many of these things have you heard? How did you feel when you heard that?
What Not To Say To Someone Who Has Lost A Baby
I also know, because you are human, that you have said one or more of the things on this list to someone. EVERYONE DOES IT. It is good. You have the right to be wrong.
Because being close to someone who cries makes us feel free. We don’t want to remember and connect with our pain (#disease). If we haven’t healed our own grief, we can’t handle someone else’s.
So, we hope to run away quickly, to get to know them without getting too close so that we accidentally feel our sadness.
As a result, we end up repeating to everyone “sorry for your loss” and “my comfort” and moving on – and away from our pain.
The Right Words To Say When Someone Has Lost A Child
Hear their story. Encourage them to share with you what happened and how they found out. Ask them how they feel
Avoid giving advice, counsel, or similar stories from your life unless the grieving person ACTUALLY ASKS FOR IT.
They are not broken. You don’t have to fix it. They are human and go through difficult times with strong and often conflicting emotions. We want to help them, heal them. We want the person crying to know that we feel their pain. that we understand that we have them. Therefore, it can be difficult not to rush after our own issues or ideas.
If you can listen with compassion, (No judgment. No criticism. No pseudo-Freudian analysis or unsolicited advice that helps.), then you can create a safe space for the grieving person to express their feelings, which is SO . main course. so they can begin to heal. Emotions are a feminine energy that I often think of as tidal waves that need a masculine energy base to rage and flow through safely. Therefore, all you need is a safe container for them to “keep space” so that they can let their emotions run free.
What To Say To A Woman Who Has Lost A Baby
But how do you “save” space for someone? Being open-hearted is easily one of the strongest ways to support them. I also encourage you to find stability through your legs and feet. Connect to the energy of the earth and breathe deeply into your belly. It will ask to be there and support you when you support them. Doing so will allow you to be their stability in the chaos and the strength that guides the meek to safe shores.
A grieving person is overwhelmed with support immediately after their loss. But in time… everyone goes back to their normal lives. This is the right time to look at mourning.
Reaching out can be as simple as sending a text and letting them know you’re thinking of them. Or make time to drink coffee or go for a walk together. The truth is, CONNECT because no one I know has ever lived without another person. Cooperation is important, make an effort.
People who are grieving usually don’t follow through with “Call me if you need anything” because when the loss is recent and severe, they often don’t know what to do, let alone what they need. Start with a specific offer to help you and be open to any other ideas they may have.
Things To Say To Someone Who Has Lost A Loved One
We’ve all messed up in our attempts at empathy (#attempathy). We’ve all used clichés when we didn’t know what to say. It is good. We are people. We mess things up – often. Forgive yourself.
You can choose differently next time. You can be a heart with ears. You can go back and save yourself. You can offer to help and show that you mean it.
It takes practice to let go of old and commonly used records. It takes courage to hold a place for someone to be vulnerable. You may not get it perfect the first time. I’m good too.
It is not too late to come forward with an open heart, a willingness to listen and a willingness to serve.
Just Try Again’: What Not To Say When Someone Tells You They’ve Lost A Pregnancy
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Looking for FREE resources and want to learn more about all things loss and life? Subscribe to my newsletter and learn more by clicking the button below. I will probably undermine your confidence in this article when I tell you; I don’t know how to write about this story. Although I have a lot to say in response to the question of what to say to a person who is crying, I disagree
On the other hand, I know that there are no “right” or “perfect” words to say to someone who is grieving. Many mourners will tell you; it’s usually not about who you are
And often the best thing to do is shut up and listen. Knowing this, I fear being drawn into the discussion of finding the right words when I know the “right words” don’t exist.
Ways To Say Someone Has Died
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but the words will ring in my heart and live forever in my head for years to come.
Either way – when it comes to grief support, words can heal and connect, but they can also create obstacles and damage. It’s true because worry about
Having the right words sometimes prevents people from giving their support. And because, like it or not, mean, inappropriate or offensive words can sometimes create conflict and division.
So I don’t think we can ignore the question of how to talk to someone who is crying. To the extent that we can help people feel confident in their ability to support friends and family, it is possible
Supporting Someone Whose Baby Has Died
We have written a lot on this topic. A long, long time ago, we even wrote an e-book. So let me start by sharing some of the ways we have planned before.
Although people differ on what they find helpful or harmful, this is a tip that is accepted by many. Whether intentional or not, such talk eases the pain of the person and sometimes of their loved one. They sweep a person’s pain under the rug and ask them to focus on abstract positive things that are often unrelated to the person grieving.
Sometimes a grieving person will reveal to themselves the good sides, the good and the meaning of their loss. It is a regular and often constructive way of dealing with adversity. How bad is it that you’re trying to do this, but it’s okay if the mourner wants to? Because only they can
What this loss means to them. They are the only ones who can make sense of what they experienced. Once they do, it’s okay to agree and support them in their beliefs.
Death Is Inevitable For All Of Us
Always think of your audience – when in doubt, leave them alone – and know that what may be comforting to one person may be off-putting to another:
Some people find Bible verses comforting in their grief, while others think that cursing is the only way to express the grief of their loss. I’m sure there are quite a few people who can agree with both statements.
If you know the person you want to comfort well, you know the techniques that religious statements, insults, jokes, etc. it can land. However, if you don’t know the person well enough to know these things, then accept it in the middle.
This is probably the most common way, but even that rubs some people the wrong way. Like I said, there is no perfect answer. How can it really be? We are all very different people with different experiences and needs.
What To Say To Someone Who Has Lost A Child — Made To Bloom
We recently asked members of the social media community what words felt most fitting to them at the time of their loss. We received a variety of responses, but we noticed a pattern. Most of all, people love to hear that others are doing it
There’s plenty of advice in our article 64 of the best things to always say to a complainer, which is also a collection of advice from our readers. Many of these requests also indicated that the best thing a person can do is to provide a supportive presence.
The number one piece of advice on what to say to someone who is crying is a variation of the phrase “I’m here for you.” With the caveat – you have to be there for someone. Don’t say “I’m here for you” if you’re planning to go out