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How To Deal With Angry Depressed Spouse
Home »Family Q&A» Seek Help »Family Questions and Answers» Relationship and Marriage Questions »How to Help a Depressed Husband
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How can I get my husband to seek help for possible depression? I have reason to believe he is struggling in this area, but he refuses to acknowledge that it may be true and refuses to take my concerns seriously. I’m not sure if it’s pride, fear, or something else, but I do know that this situation really affects our marriage and our family. What should I do?
Since you’re talking about “possible” depression, I suggest you start by taking steps to identify exactly what you’re dealing with.
Clinical depression (also known as major depression or major depressive disorder) is usually accompanied by several identifiable telltale signs. Watch for things like persistent sadness, fatigue, lack of energy, difficulty sleeping or sleeping more than usual, significant weight loss or gain, and loss of interest in work and leisure activities.
All of these could be symptoms of depression, indicating the need for professional help. If suicidal thoughts are part of the equation, the situation is urgent and requires immediate attention, which may include a visit to the emergency room.
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There are many reasons for feeling depressed. Difficult life circumstances make many people feel sad or helpless. Relationship struggles or the loss of a close friend or family member can cause feelings of loss or grief. The same goes for job loss or financial hardship.
Job loss and financial hardship can be particularly difficult for men, as they tend to discover their identity and ability to provide for the family through their work. Just because feelings of depression can be caused by life circumstances doesn’t make them any less important, but the good news is that they will get better with time, especially if your spouse, friends, and family get counseling.
On the other hand, while clinical depression can be triggered by conditions similar to those listed above, for some people it appears as if it comes out of the blue. This type of depression is rooted in an imbalance of chemicals in the brain and appears to have a strong genetic component. If the spouse has a close family member (such as a sibling or parent) who has already suffered from depression, the risk of this problem is increased.
Anyway, the next step is to discuss your concerns with your husband. We assume you’ve already experienced this (after all, you’re saying you “don’t want to take your concerns too seriously”). If this is the case, we recommend that you redouble your efforts by expressing yourself
Portrait Of Exhausted Depressed Man Sitting On Bed Looking Down Ignoring Angry Girlfriend Arguing Blaming Upset Husband Stock Image
Whenever you can, approach the situation in “I” terms. You could say something like, “I’m really worried about you because of what I see happening. I feel like things get so out of hand when you’re angry and withdrawn for days or haven’t showered or shaved in a week. Kids get so confused and scared when you’re twisted and it hurts to see you like that. I’m afraid of what this will do to our family. We are.”
Remember that it is not your responsibility to “convince” him of anything. His first job is to tell her the truth as he sees it. (Of course, if your husband is talking about suicide, it’s not just about telling him the truth about what he’s seeing, and it’s also not about intrusiveness. In that case, you need to do everything you can to keep him safe. That might mean taking him to the emergency room or calling 911.)
At this point, you will have the opportunity to suggest a course of action. Here you need to be very careful. Don’t put too much pressure on your husband. Where do you start?
Willing to do Suggest she goes with you to talk to someone about her condition. At first, it could be anyone—a pastor, an elder in a congregation, a counselor, a trusted friend, or a family physician.
Ways You Can Help A Loved One With Depression| Everyday Health
Ultimately, the goal is to schedule a conference with a professional — ideally a licensed counselor or psychiatrist — who truly understands depression and the various treatments and medications available to treat it. You can suggest that he consider several sessions – say three or four – and then decide whether to continue.
But don’t try to jump in too far too soon. In light of what you said, we believe that the idea of a “psychiatrist” might scare your husband into a state of withdrawal. At this point in the game, the most important thing is to get a move, no matter how small, in the right direction.
Keep in mind that there could be all kinds of reasons why he might reject your suggestions. As a man, you may see it as a sign of “weakness” to seek help with emotional issues. You may object that only “crazy” people should see psychiatrists or counsellors. If you are a serious believer, you could try arguing that faith and prayer are sufficient to deal with the problem (as you probably know, there is still a degree of stigma attached to therapy and medication for depression in some Christian circles). In this case, you might say, “It seems to me that you are limiting God—you are telling me that He is
If you still refuse to take action, you can go back to using “I” statements and put the line like this:
Wife Offended By Husband, Man Asks For Forgiveness. Angry Depressed Young Woman Has No Desire To Talk, Listening To Lies Stock Photo
We will discuss our condition with the doctor. I decided to do this because I am convinced that your behavior and conduct is detrimental to our marriage and our children. I’d like you to be with me. I know you’re hurting right now, but it’s not just about you. I don’t want to see your depression tear this family apart.
If you would like to discuss your situation with one of our colleagues, please do not hesitate to contact Focus Family Counseling.
If the title is not currently available in Focus through your family, we recommend using another retailer.
Has focusing on the family helped you or your family? Share your story here and inspire others today!
Alone With My Husband’s Secret
I was recently asked to do a podcast with journalist Alex Beard. The title of the show was The Honesty Box and I was called in to answer the question
Why? Because such questions are difficult to answer. It is considered taboo. Nobody chooses to be depressed. Therefore, the idea that one can get angry with a depressed person is seen as unpleasant, unfair, and unacceptable.
Such questions often involve guilt, shame, and high levels of emotion on all sides. But this is also why this question must be answered correctly, because people live with these questions, but they are afraid to pass judgment.
If we don’t ask and/or get answers to these questions, the anger we worry about will not go away, but rather will increase as it becomes layered into self-criticism and shame.
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“It’s complicated, and it might be helpful to rephrase and ask this question instead: Does it make sense to feel upset when you think about your partner who is depressed and/or struggling for other reasons? And if so, what can you do when anger arises?”
Depression is a serious condition that can make life not worth living and there is no hope for change in the future. If someone is going through the worst time of their life and you are upset about it, how can that be fair?
If you have been following my blog for a while, you already know that emotions are energy. The energy our brain thinks we need to survive and/or thrive from one moment to the next.
We don’t choose which emotions arise, the brain does – if you haven’t read my blog on emotions, click here.
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Likewise, you know that anger is the emotion we feel when our brain thinks it has detected a threat in the world that we must turn to and fight. It’s the adrenaline and stress response we’d be most grateful for if we ever found ourselves in a fight we couldn’t avoid.
However, because our brains do not know the difference between a real threat to our life and a perceived threat, anger can explode when the fight is inappropriate.
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