Rebecca Smith
How To Deal With An Alcoholic Sister – Excessive alcohol use puts a child at risk of needing professional help – but treat it with compassion
I just got back from a trip with my sister who is pregnant with her baby. In our time (we were in a larger group) he would often go drinking secretly and come back at the beck and call of the spirits, often stating clearly in front of the group that he was light because he stopped drinking. We shared a room where I happened to come across a liter bottle of spirits (secretly but not very well) that was empty at the end of two days.
How To Deal With An Alcoholic Sister
I don’t know how to do this. I have nothing but pity for my sister and have no interest in giving birth to her, but I love raising her and I still feel that my commitment to the fetus made things difficult.
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I don’t know who else is in the family, if anyone. In the past, my husband has found liquor, liquor and wine hidden around our house when he has visited, and has expressed concern even when he shares a room with our teenage sons. We must have said something at the time, but overall we decided that it was not our business and if we ever wanted to support the opening, we would not do it.
I don’t want my son to be harmed in any way and I have my own experience with alcohol because I know how hard it is to break the cycle without help and support.
You mentioned how your sister is pregnant and I tried to answer this question as soon as possible, because if your sister drinks as much as you say, she needs to stop as soon as possible. You mentioned the man in your long letter, but by the way, and I wonder what he knows, and can you help him, and is he worried?
This week I consulted with two people, psychotherapist Becky Harris, who has a lot of experience with addiction; and maternal social worker Nandita Witheling, who specializes in addiction and is a member of the British Association of Social Workers (BASW).
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Harris said: “No one can say exactly how much alcohol is or isn’t safe. But there’s no price for drinking, it’s chocolate during pregnancy. There’s usually a lot of shame when drinking goes around, but now it’s an urgent issue that needs to be addressed.”
No one can drink your sister. So if you don’t claim these resources voluntarily, what do you do?
Even pregnant women only drink a little. But, from what you’ve said, it sounds like your sister drinks a lot, and that has a lot of risks – not just miscarriage or stillbirth, but also Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder (FASD) if you drink too much. I once taught two students with FASDO and it was hard to see.
Everyone knows it’s hard, and only you know your sister and how best to approach her. You can, Harris suggests, use your past drinking experiences as a “doorway.” Because if your sister is using alcohol now to do something that will continue after her son is born, she really needs pity and help.
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“You can try,” said Harris, “something like, ‘I don’t want to make you feel bad, and I never judge you, and I love you, I just want to support you, but I’m worried about you and your child. And if you don’t ask for help, I’ll tell someone. “It was important for Harris to know what was going on.
Of course, no one can stop your sister from drinking. So it is difficult what to do if you are not voluntarily searching for these resources. But you can talk to his midwife (didn’t she notice he was drinking?) or go to social services.
Witelingum says: “Many family members are concerned that social workers will immediately try to remove the child from the parents at birth when the problem is alcohol abuse. As a social worker with prenatal experience, I can assure you that this rarely happens and is usually the last thing. Good social work is about family activities, not about them.
Witteling suggested you talk to your sister and then encourage her to seek professional help through a doctor or midwife, who may decide to refer her to a social worker. But if you have immediate concerns and concerns about a child, there is the possibility of “serious harm, neglect or harm after birth”, then I would only recommend that you contact child protective services immediately.
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Help and support can be found in the form of alcohol treatment services including extended family and your sister’s husband.
I know it’s hard, but everyone I spoke to wanted to emphasize that we wanted to support your sister, not judge her. And, as Harris says, “Imagine how you would feel if you didn’t say anything.”
Each week, Annalisa Barbieri addresses a personal reader question. If you want Annalisa’s advice, send your question to annalisa@. Annalisa regrets not being able to find personal correspondence. Offers are subject to our terms and conditions.
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In the light of Adult Children of Alcoholics comes the first book specifically for alcoholic siblings. Patricia Olsen, the sister of two alcoholic siblings, shares her personal experience as well as interviews with other sober siblings, and Petros Levunis, MD, director of the New York Institute on Addiction and chief of addiction psychology at St. Luke’s and Roosevelt Hospitals in New York, offers expert advice. Whether an alcoholic in recovery or relapse, in AA or in treatment, Healthy Brothers and Sisters helps brothers and sisters better understand their situation and offers wisdom and practical advice: feelings of shame, hopelessness, despair, and anger; the difference between helping and doing; setting boundaries; based on alcoholism; solidarity; and how to help your brother without losing yourself.
“Written with love and knowledge, The Sober Sisters informs and guides readers about the tragedy of drug addiction. Olsen and Levon team up with Bill W. Bob to create a wonderful social network of caring help from pain and personal suffering. The Sober Sisters visit brothers and sisters in families affected by addiction. It is a beautifully written and illustrative book. A wonderful mix of stories and family life is included we apply. addiction; maybe specifically I recommend this book to everyone. It will help sober sisters struggling with addiction, those who live and love me, and brothers who often cross over into the family that is often involved in addiction.”
– HURD J. SHAFFER, Ph.D., C.A.S., Associate Professor, Harvard Medical School; DIRECTOR, ADDITIONAL DEPARTMENT, CAMBRIDGE HEALTH ASSOCIATION
“The Personal Behavior of Pat Olsen and Petros Levunis” is a smart, engaging and indispensable guide. With real-life stories and action plans, this really adds to the field.
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“Using personal and research-based examples, Pat Olsen and Petros Levunis take us into the understudied world of the ‘other brother’ (surveillance).
Patricia Olsen has contributed many columns to the New York business section since 1999. His features, essays, and profiles have also appeared in the San Francisco Chronicle, USA Travel, On Wall Street, Chicago Tribune, More Magazine, Family Circle, and Hemisphere, among other publications. He is a member of the American Medical Writers Association (AMWA), the Association of Healthcare Journalists (AHCJ), the Society of American Journalists and Authors (ASJA), and the Society of American Business Editors and Writers (SABEW). It is located in Tinton, New Jersey and its web address is www.patolsen.com.
Petros Levunis, MD, MA, is director of the New York Institute of Addiction and chief of addiction psychiatry at St. Luke’s and Roosevelt Hospitals in New York. A graduate of Stanford University and the Columbia University Institute of Psychiatry, Dr. Levin, with additional evidence throughout the United States.
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