How To Cope When A Loved One Is Dying

How To Cope When A Loved One Is Dying – Even thinking about it can be a dream when a loved one has died, and especially a friend, child or other person with whom you live. I created this infographic as a quick way to help you not only manage the day, but also tackle it. Read below for the full blog post.

Traditionally, Christmas (and other holidays as well) are times when people look forward to the comforting nature of a tradition that has sometimes been active for many years. But when he dies, he destroys this tradition. A shipwreck with everyone on board loses a limb, and the whole ship becomes unbalanced until those on board find a new way to balance.

How To Cope When A Loved One Is Dying

How To Cope When A Loved One Is Dying

And when you’re going through a transition when Christmas happens, you both want things to be the same (which they never are) and different (which you may find equally difficult).

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The thing is, expectations make you think it’s going to be the worst day you can imagine. The mind can exaggerate as it creates terrifying images of what it would be like without your loved one. It thinks it knows just what will happen, and how you feel, and it takes you on a journey of pain as you imagine the scenario you think will happen.

Or maybe you feel guilty because you don’t feel as bad as you think you should. (Actually, this can often be the case, but usually we don’t hear about it because the crime prevents the person from sharing it openly).

The problem with expectations is that you set yourself up to experience what you expect. If you’ve already decided that it’s going to be a scary time (and that it ‘should’ be), then what do you ask? You are more likely to experience it in the same way. Not helpful. Feeling bad does no one any good, least of all you. So if you see that you have the words “must” and “must” in your dictionary, replace them with “can”. At least it gives you an option.

No one can know in advance what he will feel at any given moment, let alone a few days or weeks. The mind thinks it knows, but it’s just going overtime in the fear-based imagination department.

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The real truth is that the day can be scary. It can be difficult. Maybe that’s right. It can even be fun. It could be a combination of all these things.

If you get even a hint of ‘this must be bad’ or ‘when I’m enjoying myself I’m cheating on X’ or ‘I shouldn’t be having a good time out of respect for X’, so be it. There is a time. Be strictly honest. When you die, do you want those left behind to have a bad time paying your respects? Do you want them not to enjoy themselves? No! Of course not. You want them to be as happy as they can be. (Or if you haven’t, you’ve got work to do for yourself!)

And just because others tell you they had a bad day doesn’t mean you will, or that you should.

How To Cope When A Loved One Is Dying

It’s different for every person, and your only job is to make it work for you. So be open to what it is. You may have a complete roller coaster of emotions in one day. And maybe it will be good.

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Be open to being good, scary, big, sad, heartbreaking, smart – be open to the fact that you can simultaneously enjoy being sad that your loved ones aren’t there. It is possible.

One of my taglines for WildWisdom, my business coaching website, was “Dare to do business differently.” And now I offer you the same opportunity – you can dare to make your Christmas different.

Whether you like it or not, it’s already different, just because your loved one is no longer here. So make the most of it, welcome the fact that it’s already different. You can keep some traditions and leave others. Discover new. Big changes like going with friends instead of family; Or make small changes such as eating Christmas dinner at a different time, or eating beef or veal instead of chicken. Even changing your routine when opening presents, or dressing differently, will help you better deal with what is already different.

On my first Christmas after the death of my husband Philip (it was just 3 weeks ago) I invited an old friend of ours to stay with me. Back then, of course, it was different. I have never spent Christmas alone with a girlfriend. We treated it like any other day, although it was special because we both had presents to open, and we made ourselves a delicious chicken dinner. However, it is important to actively welcome Philip to be with us. It was not that we sought to have him there, because he was in the body, but that we often simply spoke of him. Over dinner we shared about special memories we both had. It was sad, painful and beautiful at the same time.

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If you are sharing your day with other family members, set aside some time to give a special greeting to your loved one.

Let family members know in advance that you will be doing this. Invite them to bring their memories and share them.

This is important because with it you make room for that person, but you also make room for everyone else there. Otherwise, it could easily be a day dominated by the one thing no one is talking about – the person who died.

How To Cope When A Loved One Is Dying

And there are many examples where someone who doesn’t want to effectively infiltrate and spoil the atmosphere, just because everyone is afraid that they will feel bad for not being there.

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You want your Christmas to be about the people who are in the room with you as well as those who aren’t. To do this, you must create a conscious space for those who are no longer in the physical body.

It can be considered sacred at one time that most of it is to be with others. But your giving will only come true if you are willing to give to yourself as well. Otherwise, it’s easy to get stuck with depression, guilt and other victim thoughts like “no one knows what it’s like for me except X”.

During Christmas there may be nothing but online shopping; go to other shops than usual; Don’t send Christmas cards as usual (or at all – I didn’t send the first Christmas. I’m not sure if anyone noticed, but I didn’t care anyway).

If you decide you want to shop in real stores, use #2 and do it differently than before.

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Be kind to yourself the day you can. This means taking time to feed yourself – this could be in the form of a nap in your bed in the middle of the day; Say no to going traditional if you really feel alone; Write a letter to your loved one in your journal; reach out to a friend; make a special phone; More so with all children than with adults.

Communicate what you do clearly, firmly and lovingly. Be willing to take care of yourself, even if others don’t like it. If you do not give yourself first, you cannot give freely to others.

This is where ‘putting a brave face on it’ and ‘Indianization’ has to go out the window. Of course, you don’t want to be a damper for others. It is natural. But you don’t do that by saying you’re okay and don’t need anything from anyone else.

How To Cope When A Loved One Is Dying

Remember that the only thing you want is your loved one back in the room with you, there are still things others can give you that will help you be present and enjoy the day.

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If you don’t let others know that your heart is broken, or you need someone to do something practical for you, how will they know what’s going on?

People are not mind readers. They can’t necessarily tell if you’re crying or crying under that happy face.

So reach out – be brave – tell someone how you really feel in this moment. Leave it out. let me

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